So I'm not sure how to edit my previous post, so I'll post the entire story up to this point so far. Not much has been added, but I like to add and revise things slowly.
Thank you for all the feedback.
Reports are coming in from veterinarians around the state that a new strain of the rabies virus has affected hundreds of pets of owners since its discovery. The possible affect it may have on humans is yet unknown, but pet owners are advised to watch for any unusual behaviors exhibited by their pets including loss of appetite, dilated pupils, and increased hostility.
LEFT4DEAD
There was no warning of the tragedy that would happen at Rolling Brooks Mall that day. What makes it more extraordinary is that it could be considered the last normal day in our lives. The place was alive as people went from here and there. A few teenagers were seated at a table, playing practical jokes on each other laughing. A mother hastily walked her children hastily past the video games store into the clothing store against their protests. An elderly man came out of one store, examining the new watch on his wrist. And dead in the center, was a man sitting near the fountains.
His breathing was erratic, and he felt nothing. He glanced over to the teens at the table.
Who is that weird fuck?
I don’t know just ignore him.
The two guys laughed and turned around.
He’s looking at us.
The blonde girl was frightened, and the guys looked at each other. The man at the fountain kept his gaze on the teens. His dark eyes widened as he took in the scene. No one in the mall: not the young men about to die; not the young mother who would have to shield her children from the horrific sight; nor the old man, who would later go home and tell his wife how the violent media caused it all: no one knew the man in the hood was the first one.
Hey freak, why are you staring at us?
The teen shoved the man, who fell into the water of the fountain. The hooded man suddenly started to growl.
Woah, dude I think we better leave.
Shut up, I can handle this.
And in what seemed like an instant, the hooded man leaped out the water, and pounced and the teen. His friend stared in horror, as he watched the hooded man start to beat up his friend.
HELP! Stop you bastard! Get off him!
Onlookers stared as the friend tried to pull off the hooded man. The hooded man brushed the friend aside and he hit the ground. The friend gasped, as he began to notice the hooded man wasn’t beating up the teen. He was ripping off his flesh. The teen screamed and it pierced through the mall. The hooded man growled and continued to tear at the skin of his first victim. A mall security guard rushed to the scene, and paused in the morbid magnificence of the sight. The teen hung limp like a rag doll in the grasp of the hooded man; and he turned his head to acknowledge the trespasser.
The security guard went to stun the hooded man with his taser, but the hooded man leaped onto the second floor balcony.
What the fuck is it?
How did he do that?
People began to run out of the mall, and in the chaos, the hooded man leaped onto a woman dressed in red. The friend dropped to the ground, unable to comprehend what was happening as the blonde girl came over to him.
We have to leave Denis, NOW!
Denis looked over to his departed friend, mangled and covered in his own blood. Any semblance he had in life was drained. The disfigured body then rose, his innards lay plastered on his chest, his eyes were wide open. The young girl burst out screaming, as the body rose to his feet, and regain it’s balance. On the second floor the hooded man abandoned his pray and opted to leap onto a rather large gentlemen who had the misfortune of walking into his sight. As the body of the recently deceased ran towards his friend; Denis lost his sanity then and there. He could only watch as his friend started to claw his body and face; and as the young blonde started to scream even louder, Denis didn’t utter a sound.
---
So You may have noticed the way I write my dialog is odd. This is intentional, and actually inspired by one of my favorite books,
The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Rather than explain it, I'd rather show it to you.
Read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy Online
And I'm out.
EDIT: After reading my first post, I must of been on the verge of passing out, there are so many grammar mistakes that were blatantly obvious, that I'm almost ashamed I rushed it out so fast. I'll try to avoid that in the future.